Nudged

Rosie has commented that I have not updated for a while so here goes.

Last time I said I had started a new job, and was on probation. Well, 3 months into the 6 month probation, I have been confirmed as permanent. Even better, I am now in charge of the whole site, which is nice. Just got the small matter of planning to deal with 30% growth, installation of new equipment, and improving customer service. Well, I suppose it is better than downsizing and making people redundant!

In my personal life, I have now been with my girlfriend 6 months, and am very happy, though my new job is a significant distance away from her. I am confident that we can deal with that though. I need to find somewhere to live closer to work now, because the 80 minute drive each way is killing me, never mind the cost of the petrol.

I am only getting to see my kids once a fortnight, which sucks. Some might say I only have myself to blame, but I am certain that ending the marriage really was the right move. People I see only occasionally are saying how much happier I seem. I certainly feel a huge sense of relief. I've bought the kids mobile phones, so they can both phone me whenever they want. Had a phone call from them last night.

I have managed to sell my old house, for not much less than the asking price, and for the same as I paid for it 5 years ago, which I suppose is a result really. Should be completing on that at the end of the month, which takes a huge strain off the wallet.

Thats it for now. Better get on with some work! Will try to post a little more regularly from now on.

How quickly everything changes

Well this is my first post for over two months.  I don't think I've read any blogs since mid July.  Rather a lot has happened since then, so here's the summary:

In July, I split up with my wife, after 14 years of marriage, and 18 years together.  At pretty much the same time, I found out that I was likely to be made redundant.

Lets start with the marriage.  

For a while now I have felt that things have been going wrong.  Arguments over stupid things, not being able to talk about stuff, just a general distance between us.  In the end I decided that things couldn't carry on like this.  She thinks it is all because I can't cope with her being disabled.  This isn't true.  That is just a tiny part of the whole thing.  Talking to some of our friends, they have expressed surprise that it didn't happen ages ago.  Did everyone see this coming apart from us?   I tried to stick it out at home for the sake of the kids, but it just wasn't practical.  So I am now living with my parents, which has some difficulties, but is generally ok for now.

My daughter in particular is finding things difficult.  I see the kids every weekend, and twice during the week at athletics training, but she is very upset at us all not doing things together anymore.  My wife and I are trying to keep things civil, but things have been done and said during the split that make it difficult.  I am sure that over time that will improve, but for now the thought of spending a day together is not good.

There is a lot of bitterness at the moment.  I handled things badly (is there a good way to leave your wife?) and upset her a lot.  She lashed out and someone I was briefly involved with (and who had no part in the marriage breakup) got hurt, which I am angry about.

Since then I have met a wonderful woman (via the internet of course!), who is also separated, and also has kids.  She is someone I can talk to about anything, including things I have never told anyone else.  We meet up whenever we can, but neither of us want our kids to meet the other, because we don't want them to have a succession of "aunties" and "uncles" if things don't work out.  We have taken a punt on us still being together in three months, and have bought tickets to see a band at the end of November.  Fingers crossed!

At work, since the Company got taken over in January 07, I have felt increasingly vulnerable.  As an independent company, I was involved in all aspects of the business - purchasing, sales, service, quality, production, transport, and doing projects for the MD.  As part of a national company, they have centralised purchasing and sales, a group quality manager etc.  Much of what is done centrally I think is pretty poor, but no one seemed interested in listening to any ideas from us.    On 18th August it was confirmed that I was being made redundant, and was given 12 weeks notice.  After 17 years working there it isn't nice, but it isn't the same place anymore after the takeover.

Next Wednesday I've got the third in a series of meetings with a company in Chester, in the same industry.  They are independently owned, and are growing fast.  I sent them my CV speculatively, they didn't actually have any vacancies, but, it looks promising that they are going to create a position for me (which is nice!).  So hopefully, by the end of next week I will have a job, and can chill out.

Have just re-read all that, and it isn't terribly well written or coherent, but, maybe in time, I can get my head straighter, and look at things less emotionally.

Young Carers

Someone from the local Young Carers support group is coming to see my kids this evening.

Over the last twelve months they have had to do far more than most kids would have to do in helping out around the house, and in particular helping their mother, who is in almost constant pain and has great difficulty in carrying out many normal, straight forward activities.

My daughter in particular is quite sensitive, and feels "different". My son mostly just notices that his activities are somewhat curtailed from what he used to be able to do. Sometimes it is just that if I'm late home from work, he can't go and do whatever activity was planned, because Mum can no longer drive.

Typical of the things they help out with is putting the washing on, fetching and carrying, and helping mum with socks and shoes. Some of it is fun (my son enjoys whizzing round the block on the electric scooter as he brings it from the garage to the front door); other stuff, such as cleaning the rabbit's house out, is not. Sometimes they'll answer the phone, because mum is in too much pain to talk to anyone (my daughter says she hates sales calls - don't we all?) Very occasionally they have to get themselves something to eat to put them on until I get home from work.

Tidying their rooms is of course a dreadful thing to ask them to do, but that just makes them the same as any other kids!

TPTK

Congratulations to BurnleyMik and Yorkshire Pud on their forthcoming additions!

Training with Kelly Holmes

Last September my 8 year old daughter joined Ribble Valley Athletics Club, inspired by a week of free athletics activities over the summer holidays.

The club is particularly strong in middle distance running, with the head coach Don having previously been a middle distance runner.

His daughter Leigh, only sixteen, a few weeks ago won gold in both 400 and 800 metre events at the north of England under 20s championships. As a result of that she has been selected to represent England at U20 level. On top of that she has now been given a place on a training camp with Kelly Holmes.


My little girl has been so inspired by all this - she trains twice a week, in all weathers, indoors, on the outdoor track, and cross-country. Last week she dragged me out for a 2km run in the snow. What I think is great about her joining the club is not whether she wins anything or not, but the fabulous supportive atmosphere at the club, where you will find 13,14,15 year old kids looking out for all the younger ones, 16,17,18 year olds coaching younger athletes, and a great turn out from club members to support their team mates even when they are not taking part in an event.

A few weeks ago my daughter took part in an indoor sports hall games event, setting 3 personal bests and scoring points for the club. She was so chuffed!

If you live in the Ribble Valley/Blackburn area, and you've got kids who like sport, get them along to RVAC. Just turn up on a Monday, 6pm at Witton Park, Blackburn, or Oakhill Academy, Whalley, on Wednesdays at 7pm. Just look out for the large group of polite, healthy looking kids and introduce yourself.

Inspiration

I try to set an example to my children, to encourage them to strive to better themselves, to do their best at whatever they attempt.

Yesterday the tables were turned.

I took the kids cycling in Grizedale Forest. It's the first time that we've done that sort of thing together. To be honest, I haven't done any serious cycling for years. In my early teens I would think nothing of cycling 50 miles; today I wouldn't want to think about such a distance.

Towards the end of the day, we're slogging up a hill. My son has already given up and is walking, and I'm seriously considering joining him. I look up the hill to see how far there is to go, and, ahead, I see my 8 year old daughter, moving her bike up the hill through the force of her own stubbornness. At that point I can't get off and walk. She's going through the pain of moving that bike up the hill, with 6 gears less to go at than me, and a lot less strength and experience (though admittedly an awful lot less excess weight too!). I drag myself and the bike to the top of the hill, and then thankfully call for a rest to wait for my son, heart bursting with pride in my little girl.

Sporting a bandage

My daughter has joined a local athletics club. This involves training twice a week , with transport provided of course by Dad's Taxi. She is settling in really well, and can run far better than I ever could. The warm up last night consisted of a one mile jog before they even started training properly. She is only 8! The club has the 3rd ranked U15 800 metre runner in the country, and my daughter is wanting to follow in her footsteps.

Before training, she told us that she had a sore ankle, she had gone over on it at school. As you do, we jollied her along, told here that when she started running it would be ok, and, off she went, good as gold, completed the session, coach told her how well she had done, and then home to bed.

This morning we felt incredibly guilty as she limped downstairs, ankle sporting a technicolour bruise and swelling. So we had to send her to school with an elastic bandage and a note asking that she be excused PE.