Thursday, September 04, 2008

How quickly everything changes

Well this is my first post for over two months.  I don't think I've read any blogs since mid July.  Rather a lot has happened since then, so here's the summary:

In July, I split up with my wife, after 14 years of marriage, and 18 years together.  At pretty much the same time, I found out that I was likely to be made redundant.

Lets start with the marriage.  

For a while now I have felt that things have been going wrong.  Arguments over stupid things, not being able to talk about stuff, just a general distance between us.  In the end I decided that things couldn't carry on like this.  She thinks it is all because I can't cope with her being disabled.  This isn't true.  That is just a tiny part of the whole thing.  Talking to some of our friends, they have expressed surprise that it didn't happen ages ago.  Did everyone see this coming apart from us?   I tried to stick it out at home for the sake of the kids, but it just wasn't practical.  So I am now living with my parents, which has some difficulties, but is generally ok for now.

My daughter in particular is finding things difficult.  I see the kids every weekend, and twice during the week at athletics training, but she is very upset at us all not doing things together anymore.  My wife and I are trying to keep things civil, but things have been done and said during the split that make it difficult.  I am sure that over time that will improve, but for now the thought of spending a day together is not good.

There is a lot of bitterness at the moment.  I handled things badly (is there a good way to leave your wife?) and upset her a lot.  She lashed out and someone I was briefly involved with (and who had no part in the marriage breakup) got hurt, which I am angry about.

Since then I have met a wonderful woman (via the internet of course!), who is also separated, and also has kids.  She is someone I can talk to about anything, including things I have never told anyone else.  We meet up whenever we can, but neither of us want our kids to meet the other, because we don't want them to have a succession of "aunties" and "uncles" if things don't work out.  We have taken a punt on us still being together in three months, and have bought tickets to see a band at the end of November.  Fingers crossed!

At work, since the Company got taken over in January 07, I have felt increasingly vulnerable.  As an independent company, I was involved in all aspects of the business - purchasing, sales, service, quality, production, transport, and doing projects for the MD.  As part of a national company, they have centralised purchasing and sales, a group quality manager etc.  Much of what is done centrally I think is pretty poor, but no one seemed interested in listening to any ideas from us.    On 18th August it was confirmed that I was being made redundant, and was given 12 weeks notice.  After 17 years working there it isn't nice, but it isn't the same place anymore after the takeover.

Next Wednesday I've got the third in a series of meetings with a company in Chester, in the same industry.  They are independently owned, and are growing fast.  I sent them my CV speculatively, they didn't actually have any vacancies, but, it looks promising that they are going to create a position for me (which is nice!).  So hopefully, by the end of next week I will have a job, and can chill out.

Have just re-read all that, and it isn't terribly well written or coherent, but, maybe in time, I can get my head straighter, and look at things less emotionally.